Thursday, September 24, 2009
Making Sense Of It All.
For months now I have been hearing about this whole John & Kate thing. I must admit that I had no clue as to who these two people were until they hit the front pages of the news stands and appeared in little snippets on the evening news. Because the t.v. shows that I watch tend to be documentaries, news magazines and classic films I only recently found out about the scandal involving the extramarital affairs of the husband John. Learning that the couple had 8 small children shed some light on the situation for me. The stresses that must bring were obvious.
So the other night as I am flipping through the channels I see the promo for the John & Kate show that was just starting and decided to watch it for the first time. As I sat there and watched I could not believe what I was seeing! The adorable kids were amazing and smart but what disturbed me greatly about this program was the way the wife, Kate, treated her husband! As I sat there in amazement I watched several more episodes. This woman was downright horrible with a capital H to him! You could hear the disdain and disgust for him in her voice every time she spoke to him or of him. What was even more disturbing was the way he would cower down when publicly (and on national television no less) humiliated by his wife. I couldn't believe that Kate would act this way for the whole world to see and I wondered how much worse she treated him when the cameras were not rolling!
Now don't get me wrong. I later learned that he had an affair and that is unacceptable and a deal breaker in my opinion but I suspect that the problems started much earlier in the marriage and long before the affair.
This got me to thinking about men in general and how different they are from women from the start. Stroking the ego of a man is not something enjoyed by most women in general but oddly enough, it seems to be just as necessary as our need to have our man tell us we look beautiful or that we are great wives and mothers. The bottom line in my opinion is that a man needs to know that he is making his woman happy in order to "Feel" like a man. Believe it or not, they crave our approval and nothing makes them prouder than to feel like they did something for us that made us beam. Granted, some men are just rotten to the core but for the most part the average, well rounded man proudly seeks out opportunities to gain his wife's approval and respect.
I am quite sure that throughout this marriage, John realized how much his wife despised mostly everything about him and therefore he looked elsewhere for approval. He was totally wrong for going outside the marriage instead of seeking ways to improve his own but the inevitable path that this marriage would take seemed unavoidable. However, the fact that these kinds of relationships and marriages do exist got me to thinking about some wise words that I once heard. They were from an older, grey haired, gentleman who was speaking to a group of women and giving advice on how to have a long and successful marriage. He and his wife had been happily married for many, many years and so he was well qualified to give such advice.
With wisdom and authority he addressed the young women and said that "the key to a happy marriage is to treat each other with respect. Husbands should not disregard their wives opinions and should highly regard them with dignity and respect. On the other hand, wives should never try to dominate their husbands and force them into submission on any matter. (And here is the part that really stuck with me). Because if a woman tries to dominate her husband and treats him with disdain and disgust....he won't like her...and more importantly....he won't like himself!
As I finished watching John & Kate those words of wisdom came back to me and I realized that I was seeing that situation playing out right in front of me. It really made me sad for the children who were no doubt paying close attention to the interactions of their parents and quite possibly learning all the wrong examples and behaviours for an unhappy and unsuccessful marriage. How sad.
Posted by Cindy Shea at 8:36 AM